i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
