The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
