Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
