New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
