if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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