Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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