he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
