Yo dont text me then not text me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
