and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
God I need to hump something, right now.
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