Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
