Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
