She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
