So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize