Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The air was thick with penises
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
