Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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