batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
