I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize