I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hippo gnu deer
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
