The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
