dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
