I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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