I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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