dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
