96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize