Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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