I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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