Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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