my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
