Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
cat food counts as protein by the way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
