Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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