On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
