just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
