my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
