He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
