I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Found your dick twin last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
