Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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