is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
