i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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