I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
