Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
