allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
