hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
