As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
