umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
