farters have to be the big spoon...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
