my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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