i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
