even my farts smell like vagina
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
