So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
