Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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