i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
