You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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