this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
