i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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