I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
