I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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