I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
