my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
