Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im part way to drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
