dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
