A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there's paper in my vomit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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