Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize