Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
