Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
